reality

whether we like it or not death can be knocking on our doors anytime...

i was talking to mum today and she told me some bad news... my dad's youngest bro which is my uncle (duh!) has cancer.... lung cancer to be exact... i was super shocked and reality hit me once again... not that i've been in dreamland all this while but yeah the thought of death has been going through my mind quite often something which is don't know why... i keep thinking that one day i would not even be existing in this world and noone would know that i lived once like all those before us that have left. My uncle is only maybe mid to late 40s and his daughter is only in primary school... it's so upsetting... another death to come along? i really hope not.. apparently mum says that his condition is not too good... cause the cancer has spread from his lungs to his liver... i don't know how bad it is but i just hope that there's still some chance of a longer survival... smoking kills is what they always say but how much do people actually take in the info and listen i don't know... one example would be him... i don't know whether i should be mad or sad actually... one side is telling me that he deserves what he gets cause there are many times which we have told him and asked him to stop and he didn't... and the other side is telling me that he's my uncle and he might leave sooner than anyone expects... this is what we call life... and i'm not really enjoying it at present moment... there are more important thing to worry about and i know i should put my heart and soul into it... so i'll just have to try...

Oh a lighter note... i got the card that mum was so eager to let me recieve... after she told me she has sent me the card and refused to tell me what it was about... it really put a smile on my face and really made me miss her... and home... for that matter... it's a good luck card for my exams... sometimes i feel as if i'm letting her down so much... i wish i could just get my grades up and make her happy just in return for the effort that she's put in for my encouragement... i miss you mum... your card sits on my desk to remind me everyday to study hard... thanks it means alot..